"Fear and Loathing in No Solution"

If you are reading this, thank you ~today is my first blog ever! What I thought about is being in college and how this has enriched my life, yet challenged my existence. Just got off the phone with a trusted friend who quickly pointed out to a situation I was experiencing, "so, what's the solution to this?" I had no idea I was looking for a solution! I just wanted to complain. The fact of the matter is I can see now why I never furthered my educational goals or ANYTHING that required taking true emotional, inner responsibility. I believed there to be no point. Being in the age bracket I am, unemployed, and I might add, gifted artistically, I sit here today and question 'was not being in the solution a great deal of the problem?' It is a simple concept yet complex to carry out. I still do complain about certain situations, or people, sometimes a great deal(esp.inwardly). I realize this does nothing in the way of solution seeking. How many times did I sit outside on my porch smoking cigarette after cigarette wonder to myself "will this be all there is to my life?" I finally got entirely disgusted with myself. Later, I was relieved to find there can be no solution or power in the problem. Simple you say.
The process of making things happen and differently began after I woke up on a Monday and almost immediately engaged in an enlightening conversation with myself, whom I will call, at this point, my higher self. It started with the same old thoughts over and over "I don't like when..." and "I wish I could..." finally, I screamed and the meeting of my higher self said "ENOUGH, what DO you want?" I immediately followed with "What did you say"? Question was repeated. I answered. Aloud. (Do note, no other physical bodies are around.) "You know, I DON'T want..." At this point I am instantly but firmly reminded this was NOT the question "No, what DO you WANT?" At this point I actually heard the voice. I answered "Well,I do want to first stop smoking cigarettes". The HS asks, "ok HOW?" I was becoming uncomfortable. I answer,"But I am afraid" "Yeah,I know but HOW? Get a piece of paper and write it down". Question after question after question followed in regards to becoming a non-smoker. Until finally I recognized I had a plan and a solution visible in front of me!!! And all this was coming from my higher self! The next question was "What is the next thing you WANT?" I hesitated because I was noticing with concern I WAS talking to MYSELF! I responded with "Ummmm, well, I do want to go to college." Hs instantly says, "Ok, write that down" I preceded immediately with "But I'm scared" "Write that down too." In the end of this experience, I would be following through with a phone call to set up an appointment with the financial aid rep. at my local college and the next plan of action was to fulfill ways to help with my becoming a non smoker for stop date: May 10, 2009. I mean, hey, it was right there in black and white I could not deny what was discussed.
In general I am more higher self friendly....Listen to self precede with caution to the negative conversations. I have found innate solutions and plus, it's fun to talk to your self (or the higher one). Call it intuition call it higher self. Call it whatever you choose to assign meaning. The solution for myself is to LISTEN and trust this,this voice. I am now truly finding this out and living the results! I've read about it, heard about it...did not believe anything remotely close. It was a fairytale. I have managed to remain an authentic a non smoker, since May 2009. I am currently in my second semester in the Associate in Science degree program! Although I am achieving excellent grades, more importantly, it's the making of decisions that lead each time to a solution from my higher self. What DO I want-what is the solution?

What DO you want?